From the "What is Wrong with People?" File

I'm in pain today and my train of thought is short and slow so I've spent time reading the AP wires on Salon in addition to reading and responding to emails at work. I have also managed to meet with two vendors, three of the managers here that I support and train my site supervisor on some new-to-her software. Hey! I have been productive. Here I was feeling like a worthless schmoo but I actually did stuff today! :)

Anyhow... Back on the topic of What's Wrong With People?

On the AP Wire in Salon, I came across this story where a Mom posted a suggestive ad with contact info for a 9yr old girl who was her daughter's rival. Really? She's 9yrs old! Any idea how traumatized a 9yr old girl can be from sexual come ons from grown ment? I have an idea! How can a mom do this to a kid? I really get the need to protect your child and make a perfect little world for them, but to purposefully target the child's rival is crazy. My mom never got involved in the relationships that I had with other kids -- except to tell me that I wasn't allowed to date this boy or that boy or that she didn't care if my friends got to wear makeup at 14.

I was lucky in that I never had to deal with a bully or anything like that. I never had a personal relationship that I needed my mom to interfere in for me. I didn't have a rival in school and certainly not at 9yrs old. My stepson has had some issues with bullies. We did not target them with any sort of retaliatory schemes. We talked to the teachers and the principal and our boy about what to do, how to handle the bully, how to deal with the aftermath of emotions. What is wrong with these parents that kill their child's rival (TX cheerleader) or create fake MySpace personas and false relationships or suggestive Craigslist ads? I just don't get it.

Politics of Deficits

Yesterday, I received an email newsletter from my state representative about the new fiscal year starting. As you may have heard on the news, in my great state of MN, our governor Tim Pawlenty has used the 'unallottment' option to balance the budget. This annoys me to no end. The unallottment option was intended to be used to balance the budget in our off years. In MN, they produce a two-year budget. In the off years, if things are working out as expected and revenues are falling, the Governor has the power to unallot spending to different programs as needed since it isn't on the Legislature's agenda. It is an emergency power to prevent budget shortfalls when the Leg isn't available to fix it.

Pawlenty just decided that he did not like any of the incarnations of the budget that were submitted to him. He adamantly refused to raise taxes. What happens though is that as he cuts funding to our cities and towns our property taxes will go up, way up. His "No New Taxes" B.S. is just that BS. We are all going to pay more taxes, just not in a way that he can be blamed for it. BS. I call that bluff right now and will go on to blame him for all my property tax increases because they are a direct result of his No New Taxes Policies. Also, I will continue to blame him for our "fees" going up. Yep, they aren't taxes but they are fees which are considered regressive taxes.

So what did Pawlenty cut? IMO, the programs that the DFL holds close to their hearts. They are nearly all Health & Human Services. You know, those people that are already feeling the pinch the most from the economy. They are going to get hit even harder.

Here's the list:
DETAILS OF GOVERNOR PAWLENTY’S UNALLOTMENT PLANS

K-12 Education $1.8 billion in delayed payments to K-12 schools
University of Minnesota $50 million in cuts
State Colleges and Universities $50 million in cuts
Renters’ Refund $51 million in cuts *Increases taxes on renters by $150+ per year (more than one-third who receive credit are senior citizens and the disabled)
LGA/Market Value Credit $300 million in cuts *property taxes projected to increase by $650 million next year
County Mental Health Grants $8.1 million in cuts
Chemical Dependency Grants $1.4 million in cuts
Chemical Dependency Payments $7.2 million in cuts
Child Support Enforcement Grants $5 million in cuts
American Indian Child Welfare $800 thousand in cuts
Children & Community Service Grants $39.2 million in cuts
Emergency Grants for Disabled $15 million in cuts
Medically Prescribed Diets for Disabled $5.3 million in cuts
Nursing Home Construction Grants $7.2 million in cuts
Nursing Home Rebasing $5.9 million in cuts
Disabled Housing $900 thousand in cuts
Disabled Personal Care Attendants $7.5 million in cuts
Critical Access Dental $6.2 million in cuts
Eliminate General Assistance Medical Care earlier $15 million in cuts *30,000 low-income Minnesotans including senior citizens, the disabled, and people with mental illness will lose basic health care
Outreach Incentives $3.4 million in cuts
Aligning Asset Limits $6.1 million in cuts *eliminated health care for up to 6000 Minnesotans
Transitional Minnesota Care $37.5 million in cuts
Minnesota Disability Health Options $2 million in cuts
Hospital Provider Payments $9.1 million in cuts
Inpatient Hospital Payments $5.5 million in delayed payments
Non-inpatient Hospital Payments $23.4 million in delayed payments
Managed Care $12.2 million in cuts
State Agencies $33 million in cuts *Expected to eliminate 3,400 jobs
Political Contribution Refund Program $10.1 million in cuts

Some of these cuts are ones that I am all for. Yes, I think the Political Contribution Refund Program is a fine candidate for the axe in these times. But cutting health care for the low income families? Delaying payments to hospitals that are barely making it now? Taking away aides for the disabled? Really? Maybe all the potholes on my road don't need to be filled as soon as possible. Maybe we can delay payment on the Twins Stadium or maybe we should have negotiated a better deal to get more of the profits from the stadium in the future. There is no easy way to do this. But I would be willing to pay higher taxes so that children can have healthcare, the elderly and disable can have someone come help them with their daily needs, and addicts can stay/get help rather than gun me down for my cell phone.

Then this morning I hear that CA is handing out IOUs today. Apparently they couldn't agree on how to deal with their deficit either. It got me to thinking two things -- What is the Per Capita income compared to the % Deficit in these states? What party affiliation does the governor have in each of these states?

I had to look in a few different places and found out some interesting facts. The % Deficit comes from the Hubert H Humphrey Institute of Public Affairs published 04/09. The Institute is a prominent school here in MN. The Governor to Party Affiliation info comes from Wiki. And the Per Capita Income comes from the Census Bureau as of 03/08.

The top 10 % Deficit States are:
Nevada
Arizona
California
Louisiana
Washington (D)
Hawaii
Wisconsin (D)
Kansas (D)
Vermont
Minnesota

And 7 out of 10 have GOP governors. Of those, only CA is in the Top 10 for Per Capita Income.

So income does not seem to correlate to the deficit but I find it interesting that there is such a majority of the states have Republican governors.

My thought: Perhaps No New Taxes doesn't work. A balanced budget comes from a balanced approach. Sometimes taxes need to be raised and spending needs to be cut. When there is a little extra money, save it. When there is a lot of extra money, give it back to the people.

Advice

A friend pointed me to a new blog about advice for a baby daughter. Neat blog.

A different friend came to my office this morning to talk about life and the weekend happenings. I really like that I get to do this with my people each Monday. I am honored that they like and respect me enough to come sit in my office each Monday, on their own accord, and share their lives with me. Anyhow, I gave the friend a piece of advice that an old boyfriend gave me that I have applied throughout my life. This is the advice, in my recollection of it from nearly 20 years ago.

Most guys don't get it. They don't understand. I need a 3x5 card with all capitals telling me exactly what it is you want or need.

Pretty simple, huh? No one is a mind reader. If you don't say what you want or need, 1) you cannot expect to receive it and 2) you cannot get angry at anyone who doesn't know what you want or need. You have to tell them and you have to say it clearly in words that they will understand. That is a big part of it! You have to say it in words that THEY will understand.

That is the best piece of advice that I've ever received and I continue to apply it and give it out all these years later.





So when you are all pissy and walk out in a huff, or locked behind a bathroom door, or quietly seething inside because things are not the way you want them; stop and ask yourself, "Did I tell them, on a 3x5 card in all caps, exactly what I wanted or needed?" If the answer is no, then you have to assume that they did not know. Take a few deep breaths, wash your face, and go have a conversation with the person. Most people don't want to purposefully ignore your needs or act in a way to hurt you.


Thank you to the one who gave me that advice. I hope others reap the same benefits from it that I did... and continue to reap.

Weekend Update

We got a fair amount accomplished this weekend and seemed to indulge everyone's whims. Saturday morning we went to the great neighborhood garage sale. Over 175 sales this year! We hit about 2 dozen or so of them. Itty Bitty found a Cinderella Vanity for $5. Cinderella actually appears in the mirror and they get ready for the Ball together. The boy found an action figure he wanted for $0.25, if even that, and some free chocolate covered sunflower seeds. I found some clothes for IttyBitty for $0.50 a piece. My honey found a potatoe masher. We gave up when we realized that 1) we didn't really need anything and 2) we were just going to come home with more toys for the kids, especially the girl, that we really didn't need.

The boy had a baseball game that afternoon. They won and he actually scored a home run. I stayed home and cleaned the dining room. Then they all came home. I filled them with pizza and sent my honey on his way. I folded laundry. The kids played.

Sunday, we were out again in the morning and did some cleaning at a very grassroots neighborhood clean-up. We headed out to Lake Hiawatha where most of our kids like to go play and there is a little beach and a rec center. We worked mostly in the grass while a larger group worked the beach area. It got hot and several of us got very allergic within about 30 to 45 minutes. The kids helped a bit and then went off to play on the playground.

IttyBitty wasn't feeling very well. She actually did not play at all. We got home and worked on things around the house a bit. Then she came and snuggled with me until we both ended up taking a long nap -- 3hrs for me, 5hrs for her.

In other news though, my honey finished building a compost bin for me. It is a barrel with a spoke and a stand. He dumped our kitchen compost in (suddenly the bugs in the kitchen disappeared!) and it stank to high heaven. Thankfully, we both had done a little online research about this and the family shredded up the paper from last Sunday and added that plus some store bought compost that we used in the garden earlier. No stink! No bugs! Yay!

The garden has lots of green things growing in it. Lots of them. The beets don't look like they are producing very well yet though. Maybe they just need more time. I don't know. I'm not exactly a gardener.

Overall a good and productive weekend, time spent outside, time spent cleaning and doing laundry and time spent resting. And nearly all of it was family time.

WHO Conference Call

Being tuned in and being the Subject Matter Expert (SME) on pandemic at this time in our history is turning out to be an amazing experience for me. Anyone can/could have attended the conference call from the World Health Organization (WHO) but I don't know how many people are tuned in enough to know that nor who would have bothered.

Like most people I am on hundreds of conference calls every year. This was really neat because you could hear the people in the room moving around and whispering in hushed tones. I knew that they were getting ready to start the call because you could hear the clicking of the cameras as the VIPs entered the room. The other minor thing that made it clear that we were on an international call because we had to enter the PIN followed by the 'hash' sign, not the pound sign.

They are now in the Q&A portion of the call. It is interesting to hear all the different accents.

"Should the average person be losing any sleep over this?" Good question! Hmmm... She is pushing it back to the individual countries rather than answering the question directly. Thankfully, I am going to dial in to the CDC call for the US in about 10 minutes too! :)

Some of the slightly scary facts on this are:

While only 2% of the cases are severe, within that 2% about half of those people are young (30 to 50) and previously healthy. This is not how the seasonal flu behaves. Seasonal flu typically is hardest on the elderly, the very young (children), and the frail.

This flu is being considered a Moderate Severity, for now.

Off to CDC call...

Clean Energy Bills in Congress

Here is the info from MoveOn:

It's 2009. Democrats have ample majorities in both houses of Congress. President Obama campaigned on the promise to tackle climate change and boost our economy by investing in clean energy.

So why on earth is Congress considering an energy bill that:


Would weaken current law, repealing President Obama's authority to crack down on dirty power plants,1 and
Doesn't actually require the creation of new solar or wind power? (The Union of Concerned Scientists has concluded that the clean energy standards won't make power companies produce more clean energy than is already in the works.)2
Why? Because Big Oil and Coal have teamed up with conservatives in both parties, and they've been successful in weakening the bill.

These are major flaws, but the bill has a lot of really good provisions, too. The key thing is that Congress can still strengthen it—if there's a public outcry. But we don't have much time: Congress is expected to vote on this bill in less than three weeks.

Can you sign this petition to Representative Keith Ellison today? Eighty thousand MoveOn members have already signed. We need to double the number of signatures by Wednesday—that means we need 338 more signatures in Minneapolis. MoveOn members will personally deliver this petition to many congressional offices the next day. Click here to add your name:

http://pol.moveon.org/cleanenergy/o.pl?id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=4
The petition says: "We need a stronger energy bill to fulfill Obama's vision of a clean energy economy. Congress should strengthen the clean energy standards and restore Obama's authority to crack down on dirty coal plants."

Congress must change the energy bill to require power companies to produce more clean energy for America. Wind and solar create more than twice as many jobs as coal and oil.3 And Congress needs to hold polluters accountable by restoring President Obama's current authority through the EPA to crack down on global warming pollution from power plants.

The Union of Concerned Scientists analysis finds that the current version of the clean energy standard "won't require utilities to use any more renewable electricity than...would be generated as a result of state renewable electricity standards already in place and the recently enacted stimulus package."4


If we just sit back, we'll miss our chance to go big with wind and solar—and we'll lose the jobs those industries would create. Big Oil and Coal will keep getting billions of dollars in taxpayer subsidies. And President Obama will be powerless to stop more than 100 new dirty coal plants, which will crowd out the clean energy growth we need to boost our economy.5

There are some good parts of the bill, but these are significant problems. As the Sierra Club's Carl Pope writes, the bill establishes strong long-term goals for cutting carbon pollution and very strong energy-efficiency investments, "but in its present form, it won't do all that's needed. The oil, coal, and dirty-utility interests...were able to prevent enactment of President Obama's much bolder vision...Yes, they will try to kill the green-jobs recovery in its cradle, and yes, they will try to block our clean-energy future."6

Please urge Rep. Ellison to fight for a stronger energy bill. Clicking here will add your name to the petition:

http://pol.moveon.org/cleanenergy/o.pl?id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=5

Thanks for all you do.

–Anna, Michael, Joan, Noah and the rest of the team

Sources:
1. "Bill Needs Strengthening to Guarantee Necessary Carbon Reductions, New Green Jobs and Consumer Benefits, Science Group Says," Union of Concerned Scientists, May 14, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51475&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=6


2. "EPA urged to act on climate, not wait for Congress," Associated Press, May 18, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51479&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=7


"American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009," Library of Congress, May 15, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51482&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=8


3. "Green Recovery: A Program to Create Good Jobs and Start Building a Low-Carbon Economy," Political Economy Research Institute at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, September 2008
http://www.peri.umass.edu/green_recovery/

4. "Bill Needs Strengthening to Guarantee Necessary Carbon Reductions, New Green Jobs and Consumer Benefits, Science Group Says," Union of Concerned Scientists, May 14, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51475&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=9

5. "Stopping the Coal Rush," Sierra Club
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51483&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=10


6. "So How Good Is This Climate Bill, Anyhow?" Sierra Club, May 22, 2009
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=51478&id=16315-6704178-w8xN1kx&t=11

Want to support our work? We're entirely funded by our 5 million members—no corporate contributions, no big checks from CEOs. And our tiny staff ensures that small contributions go a long way. Chip in here.

Litany Against Fear

from Herbert's Dune

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Occasionally, we all need to be reminded that we do have the power to overcome our fears.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Back to Work

I had a bee try to attack me. Yes, a bee. And yes, it tried to attack me.

I was minding my own business walking up to the door to get in to work. I was at least three to four feet away from said bee and moving away from it. It flew up in front of me, moving back and forth but getting closer and closer to me. I backed up thinking it would go back off to the side where it had come from. It kept coming at me like that -- back and forth, back and forth, closer and closer. I kept backing up until it had me back in the middle of the driveway. I turned around to see where I was going. When I turned back around the bee was gone. I grabbed my badge real quick and rushed up the stairs and into the building. Stupid bee! I think it might have been agitated by the warning sirens (monthly test). Bees apparently are very sensitive to noise and vibration. It might have upset the bee.





Anyhow, I am now safe and sound in the building with the air conditioning -- safe from bees and allergens.

Today I finally got out to lunch with a coworker. We've been trying to make these plans happen for over a month now. Who knew lunch could be so difficult? The upside is that we got to go whereever we wanted versus the limited options of eating with our picky boss. We chose Big Bowl. We chose wisely. It was good.

I startled the waitress a bit I think. They have a sweet ginger peppermint tea, but only hot. Well, 'tis the season for iced tea! I asked if they could do it iced for me. She looked confused and said, "No, I think we only offer it hot." I smiled and ordered the pot of hot sweet ginger peppermint tea and a large glass of ice. I made my own iced tea. And it was delicious. I'm thinking I might be able to duplicate it at home with candied ginger bits and peppermint easily enough. They had used crystalized ginger and I can probably find that too if I look around a bit.




On the way home, I mean, back to work, I was listening to MPR as I am wont to do. They are celebrating the 65th Anniversary of D-Day. They were reading a letter from Leonard Parker, who is now 85 and a prominent Twin Cities architect. He was one of the soldiers who first arrived at Dachau. It was a very interesting piece, brought tears to my eyes as he described what they found and the greeting they received from the prisoners. Going to try to embed the media here:

Or you can read the letter ...here.


War is hell, but at that time we knew who the enemy was, where to find them and how to eradicate them. If it were only that easy now.



Today, bin Laden has released another tape. Obama is speaking in Cairo. He's upset the Isrealis. He's trying to rein them in. Yes, you have had lots of wrong done to you. But you have done lots of wrong too. Peace will come to most of the Middle East with a two-state peace plan. Still have al Qeada and the Taliban to deal with but most Middle East governments will be okay. So far Obama's steps seem to have worried al Qaeda though. I think that is a good thing. Two press releases in two days before Obama speaks to the Muslim world. Yep, he's worried that he'll lose ground with this American President looking to make peace and demonstrates acceptance and acknowledgement of other religions.



In other news, it looks like the Saturn brand will live on. Thank goodness! I love my Saturn. Yes, I drank the Kool-Aid. I am also very relieved that the extended warranty and service plan that I bought will be fulfilled by somebody. Just wish I knew who!



Anyhow, I am running out of words and time

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised by Gil Scott Heron

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
Mitchell, General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.
The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
thinner, because the revolution will not be televised, Brother.

There will be no pictures of you and Willie May
pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
or report from 29 districts.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the proper occasion.

Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
Junction will no longer be so damned relevant, and
women will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be right back after a message
bbout a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
You will not have to worry about a dove in your
bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
The revolution will not go better with Coke.
The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath.
The revolution will put you in the driver's seat.

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,
will not be televised, will not be televised.
The revolution will be no re-run brothers;
The revolution will be live.

Interesting Tidbit

I was looking at the CDC info today -- 4300+ cases of flu. I wanted to compare that to the # of people in the US to find what % people have H1N1 flu. Needless to say, it is a teeny, tiny % of infected people. But I thought the way the population info was broken down was interesting.


U.S. POPClock Projection

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, the resident population of the United States, projected to 05/14/09 at 16:17 GMT (EST+5) is

306,426,934

COMPONENT SETTINGS FOR MAY 2009
One birth every.................................. 7 seconds
One death every.................................. 13 seconds
One international migrant (net) every............ 36 seconds
Net gain of one person every..................... 12 seconds



The U.S. population clock is based on the national population estimates. The U.S. Census Bureau produces national population estimates annually using the latest available data on births, deaths, and international migration. Each year, we recalibrate the population clock when we release the new set of population estimates. For more information on the methodology for producing national estimates, see http://www.census.gov/popest/topics/methodology/2008-nat-meth.pdf [PDF].

My Rant about Social Services in the US

Yes -- I'm a liberal and now you get to hear one of the many reasons why.


Minneapolis has School Choice. And in January (Jan 10) to be exact, I downloaded the School Choice card, filled it out and immediately put it in the mail. I wanted to get my daughter signed up for the High Five Program as suggested by the Early Childhood Screening group for MPLS Public Schools (MPS). You have to get it in right away they said. So I did. It is always a bit of a gamble to get the kids in the school you want here, especially since we live in an Open Choice Area which means that there is no assigned school for them -- no community school.

You've heard me previously say that I like the community school idea. It causes me a great deal of stress not knowing where my kids will be going to school. I do like that I can pull them out and drive them some place else if I feel the need.

Anyhow, back to today's rant.

I did everything I was supposed to do. I called a couple of times when they were supposed to be doing the assignments and was told that High Five was done later. I waited until and called. Not done yet. I called again today.

My daughter was not placed. I asked at our first choice school? Not placed at first school. Why? The program was full. What about our second choice school? Again program full. What about any of the schools? I am willing to drive her wherever and I've got a friend who I am fairly sure would pick her up and earn a little extra cash. Nope, no space. Not in any of the schools.

Now, I'm getting a little angry. I told him that I'd done all the things I was told I had to do to get her in. I sent in our card right away. I called in to follow up. Why wasn't she placed?

We make too much money.

Yep, we both work to barely make ends meet. Like most of America, we are a couple of paychecks away from homeless. But because we are not already on government assistance, we can not get in to this program that is open to ALL MPS kids.

I really dislike that our government and its laws and rules only subsidizes the very poor and the very wealthy. And all of us who are in the middle are SOL. Even if I had no job, we still wouldn't qualify for the program. Not that we'd be able to live off of the one income. I wouldn't have any idea how we'd feed our family but we'd be too rich to get any aid.

It makes me very angry that I have to be destitute and homeless or very wealthy to actually gain any benefits from my country and all the money that we pay in taxes. I get screwed. My family gets screwed. Most of you reading this have gotten screwed. You may not have even known it. You may have gone through life like my parents have and I will -- struggling to get the basic needs of your kids met on a day to day basis.

Once again, I'll go back to the drawing board and find a way to cut expenses here and there and find the money for us to send Itty Bitty to preschool.





Note: I certainly do not think the poor should lose their benefits. I think that the wealthiest 1 to 2% that hold most of the wealth in this country need to pay more taxes so that the social services can really help out everyone who needs a helping hand... Like I should be able to get my kid in the MPS school assignments!!!

Special Sort of Moodiness Today

I was explaining to an old friend via email what I dreamed my life would look like at this age. When I was 16/17, I dreamed that at this point in my life that I'd be living in Austria or Belgium or Spain or something as a Foreign Service Officer with my family of two kids and husband with a dog. We'd be world travellers, fluent in several languages, mingling with the people of Europe, breaking down the Ugly American facade, and helping Americans in need abroad. Expatriots that I'd read about while learning about Hemmingway and other authors of his time... Living in Spain, carefree and loving it.

As my mood got darker, I closed my email. Perhaps afraid to show the dark places where my mind was going or perhaps to simply avoid those dark places. Stopping the writing did not stop the thinking though and I ended up in those dark places anyhow.

It occurs to me that I don't like those dark places because it is where I begin to call myself fat and lazy and ambitionless and failure and all those ugly words that play over and over in my head some days.

I sit here and think of what my life would be if only... if only... if only... And then the reality of it is that If I really wanted that, I would have found a way to make it happen. If I were really as ambitious as I'd like to believe, then I'd have found my way to that life already. And then I turned back to a game of Bejeweled... Maybe it wasn't the effects of outside forces that threw me from my path to that life. Maybe it was just me.

Maybe I just made wrong choices. Maybe I was too lazy to deal with college. Maybe I was too idealistic. Maybe I was just delusional. Maybe life is just a string of disappointments with some occasional highlights here and there. Maybe I am too ugly to be that person living that sort of life. And then I turned back to a game of Bejeweled.

Who is this person that would rather hide in a stupid little game played in one-minute increments? Where did she come from?

If I were the person that I want to be, then I'd find a way to be able to print from here so I can delve into the budget that is wrong the first month of the fiscal year. I'd find a way to get a copy of the pandemic plan to download and open so I can add the updates as we learn new info. I'd have made the calls that I had intended to make and documented the savings from plans I've implemented or... or... or... The list goes on.

My brain turned to those dark places of self-loathing and self-blame. And tried to hide in a mindless game played in one-minute increments. But I went there anyhow. And my mood got darker.

Until I realized that every now and then, we all have to shine a light down in those dark places, clear out the cobwebs, pick up the different plans, goals, and dreams. We have to reassess ourselves, regroup, and get set straight once again.

Then we can get back to the business of achieving our goals, finding new dreams, and work on accomplishing them.




I don't suck. My life doesn't suck. In fact, most days, I think I'm pretty darn good and so is my life. No, it isn't what my idealistic teenage dreams might have come up with, but I've got the husband, I've got the kids, I help people, and I travel fairly regularly. I even have a passport with a stamp on it.

Serial Rapist in the Neighborhood?

EDIT: I read the posting from the police and thought it couldn't be the same woman twice. It must be two different women. Nope, it is the same poor woman, sexually assaulted twice.


Victim reports second sexual assault in neighborhood


April 7, 2009 (MINNEAPOLIS) Yesterday afternoon a 32 year old woman was sexually assaulted a second time in her home near the Standish and Corcoran neighborhood border. The woman, who was home alone at the time, opened her back door and the suspect forced his way into the home and then sexually assaulted the victim. After the assault the suspect fled from the home.

The suspect in this case is described as a white male 30-40 years old, 6’ tall and 180 to 200 lbs with grey hair. The suspect is described as wearing a grey sweatshirt and navy colored cargo pants. The victim did not sustain significant injuries but was taken to the hospital as a precaution.


In the previous case on April 23rd the victim was sexually assaulted in her garage. The suspect in that case is an unknown race male 20 to 40 years old, 5’09” to 6’ tall with a medium build wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt and jeans.

The Minneapolis Police Sex Crimes Unit is investigating this case and the Third Precinct will be putting additional resources into the area. Residents in the area are asked to call 911 to report any suspicious behavior in the area.

Police are asking that anyone with information about this case contact the Sex Crimes Unit at 612-673-3049.

The PIO contact for this case is Sgt. William Palmer. The CCN for this case is 09-133350. The CCN for the April 23rd case is 09-118099.

# # #

For questions, contact:

Karen Notsch, Crime Prevention Specialist
Minneapolis Police Department, 3rd Precinct
(612) 673-2856
karen.notsch@ci.minneapolis.mn.us


To Protect With Courage
To Serve With Compassion

We Win! For now...

The School Options, AKA School Closings, are postponed indefinitely.

I really like the two different versions of the story that has come out.

The Superintendent is the one who came up with this brilliant plan of closing successful schools and putting them in old, inappropriate buildings. Here is his announcement on it.

Minneapolis Public Schools postpones Changing School Options timeline

May 6, 2009


Last night at a working session, the Minneapolis Board of Education raised additional questions and submitted alternative ideas to the administration’s recommendation for Changing School Options submitted Tuesday, April 28, 2009. The Board was scheduled to vote on the plan on May 26, 2009, for changes that would go into effect in the 2010-2011 school year. Board members indicated the recommendation in its current form would not gain the majority vote required to pass on May 26.

Minneapolis Public Schools’ leadership is in the process of studying the potential impacts of the Board’s ideas. Because these decisions are complex and critical, the process of analyzing the impact of different ideas requires time and careful deliberation. Therefore, previously announced community engagement meetings for May will be postponed. We will notify our families and communities as soon as we are able to establish a new schedule, likely within the next week.

In the meantime, please know that doing what is best for our students, raising academic achievement and creating a sustainable school district for the future is at the heart of our decision-making. We would like to acknowledge the families’ investment of time and energy that has informed our planning every step of the way. We need, appreciate and want our families’ continued involvement.

Superintendent Bill Green

Now the paper reported on it too. Here are excerpts from their article:

Board chair Tom Madden described the plan as "DOA" or "dead on arrival" during a working session of the board Tuesday night.

"Last night was a big success in my mind," Madden said Wednesday. "We would have been voting on May 26, and it would have failed. I was hopeful going in and very pleased coming out."

...

Board members also questioned closing Pratt Community School and relocating Northrop Urban Environmental School to the larger Folwell Middle School site, after it closes.

Pratt is in southeast Minneapolis near the University of Minnesota and is the district's smallest school with fewer than 180 students. Northrop and Pratt are both K-5 elementary schools.

Board Member Chris Stewart questioned closing small schools, such as Pratt, that have been successful with low-income students as opposed to larger schools that aren't faring well.

The district has eight elementary schools-- many of them large -- that are restructuring or preparing to restructure under federal law due to low performance.

"I want to say I'm sick of worrying about Pratt every two years," Stewart said.

Said parent Becky Sun: "I'm relieved that they're reconsidering whether to close Pratt, but I won't breathe a sigh of relief until it's all over and Pratt is still open. I'm optimistic, but I'm not going to say it's all over until it's in print."

Costain urged the administration to draft a plan that is more specific about open attendance areas. She said the district should consider a proposal from families in the Kingfield/East Lake Harriet neighborhood to link Barton Open and Lyndale elementary schools as a K-8 campus and make it their community school. It could mean Barton Open's program moves to Ramsey Fine Arts School.

Said Madden: "They're trying to assess the changes [we suggested] and the ramifications of that and what that does to the timeline."

So... Let's see... The plan was to close schools that were successful with very diverse student populations with parents opposing the school closings very vocally. Then... leave alone the failing schools that have to be restructured anyhow due to No Child Left Behind Laws. And completely ignore closing the schools that PARENTS of students in those schools suggested closing... Hmm...

Why would you close successful schools operating at a lower cost than failing schools? I'm not certain about Pratt but Northrop has done a great job of leveraging their parent volunteers, creating a great grant writing team to get in more money for projects and specialty learning programs, and doing community outreach with local parks, businesses, and other higher ed schools. They run their school more cost effectively than most other schools in the district. And it isn't that they are a white, middle class school. More than 70% of the students are from families at or below poverty level. Northrop is succeeding against the odds and obstacles were most schools with similar demographics are failing.

I am very happy to see that the elected school board had a clue and stood up for what was right fiscally and educationally for our children. Superintendent Green seems to be really out of touch. He's been here for a while as part of the Board, as deputy superintendent and then acting Superintendent and now Superintendent. He's been involved with Minneapolis Schools since at least 1993. He should be in touch. He should know what is happening.


Phew! Let's see what they try next...

Yes, a sports post...

Kind of...


I live in Viking Territory. The neighboring cheeseheads are our arch rivals. Cheesehead boy Brett Favre has retired. Come out of retirement. Retired. Come out of retirement. Retired... And is now thinking of coming out of retirement.

Here's the thing. Fricken' retire already and stay retired!! Enough of this ridiculous game! I don't care how much you think you are going to get back at the Packers by playing for the Vikings. I don't even think you'll be all that good for the Vikings. Your last two seasons were not that good... I might even be willing to say they sucked ass. I'm tired of hearing the Favre name already.

Changing School Options ie Closing schools

We just received notice:

The Board of Education, Special School District No. 1, has scheduled the following meetings.
Meetings are open to the public, unless otherwise noted.

Tuesday, May 5th (tonight)
6:00 - 8:00 p.m. - Working Session

The meeting will be held in Conference Room 1 at the John B. Davis Educational Services Center, 807 Northeast Broadway. The topic for discussion is he Changing School Options. (i.e. closing and relocation of Northrop and other Area B schools.)

We know this is last minute, but if there is anyone who can attend that would be great!@

Let's continue to let the board and district know we oppose this change!!

Thanks,
Northrop PTA

********************************

Just an FYI. There was a meeting scheduled for tonight at Northrop. It was cancelled by the school board without any information as to why. Then this new meeting was suddenly announced at a different location.

New Item for the "I Am Awesome!" file

On the corporate call for my company, not the account I'm on, the exec for HSSE knew my name from initial pandemic preparedness planning in 2006 and put me out as a POC for questions and info on current H1N1 virus.

Then I got kudos because a person who is on another account was talking about what their customer was saying and I was able to explain that we have an opportunity to educate our clients on this flu. I again got kudos from the exec and from my boss and our regional group leader.

I am awesome! I am awesome! I am awesome!


Plus I had Mello Yello this morning because they were out of the other thing that I typically drink so... I'm running on high as I have not had Mello Yello in weeks again. I am running on high so much so that I was walking down the hall and wondering why it was so windy in the building and what was going on with the air pressure to cause such a wind. So I stopped to see where the wind was coming from (to look for a propped open door) and it stopped. Yeah, I was walking so fast that I was creating a wind... Dude. No more Mello Yello. None.


Anyhow, I've been busily working on making sure that everyone has supplies that I have not seen nor heard any new flu news in 4 hours. Must go check the online news outlets.

Ta ta for now!

And go wash your hands! =)

Because I have about 5 minutes to spare

Ahh... Elton John & Billy Joel concert tickets are being given away on the radio... Sigh.

Yesterday, I went home exhausted. A couple of years ago, I was incredibly interested in the bird flu H5N1 and became the Subject Matter Expert (SME) on our account. Well, now this swine flu has come along and all of my days are full of swine flu news and data and statistics and planning and prevention and... and... and... I don't get to turn it off though when I've had enough because I have to be on top of it as much as possible. So it is all flu all day. I suspect that today, I will go home exhausted as well.

Meanwhile, the school district is closing schools and making decisions that don't seem to go along with the community's focus nor that seem to make fiscal sense. The school that the boy goes to and we were intending sending Itty Bitty to is on the list of closing schools. They are closing down the newer school that is appropriate for elementary kids and is smaller... and reopening it (same teachers, still elementary) in a older, middle school location. The 'new' location is an old building that looks like a prison. It is huge and currently has no playground. It is not appropriate for an elementary school. They are going to have to spend a good deal of money to make this building feel right for little kids. It is just beyond me. I hear that this bigger building though brings in outside revenue from renting out space to a theater group and several different intermural community sports.

Minneapolis, like most cities, has many neighborhoods that each have an individual feel to them. I like to think that ours has a sort of laid back, young family, environmentally conscious feel to it. There is a good deal of focus on shopping locally, urban environmentalism, usage of the community centers, etc. It's a fairly safe part of the city without being in the upper middle or upper class sections.

The school board says that it wants to create community schools. I like this idea. I like the idea of my kids going to school with their neighbors and getting to know them. Let's face it -- we adults don't often do a good job of meeting and getting to know our neighbors. But the kids do! They don't really care who they are as long as they find a playmate.

However they are removing the urban enviromental focus. They are putting the kids in a big school. The school is not elementary age ready.



And now... my five minutes are up... Back to Flu, flu, flu

This is just taking up space

What is the most useless thing in the house?

Me. Okay, part of me is in fact useful, however that part seems to have disappeared when I got home. I'm tired. I'm cold. My head hurts. I want to go to sleep.

Swine Flu Info

Resources:
http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/whatsnew.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/swineflu_you.htm http://www.who.int/csr/don/2009_04_24/en/index.html

You can follow the CDC on Twitter or get email updates or an RSS feed. The CDC seems to be updating faster or more frequently than the WHO.

General recommendations:

• Wash your hands often.
• Cover your cough properly. Sneeze and/or cough into the crook of your arm. This is the best way to thoroughly capture as many germs as possible.
• Clean all surfaces as often as is viable. The virus can live on surfaces for over 2 hours.
• Maintain 'safe' distances (3 to 5 feet is good in most instances)
• STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK!!!
• Adults are likely to be able to spread the virus for one day prior to symptoms and up to 7 days after symptoms appear. Kids can spread it for about 10 days after symptoms appear.
• Symptoms are typical seasonal flu symptoms.9. If you are going to get medicated for the flu, you need to have either a preventative shot (but I don't think there is one for this strain yet) OR you need to get antiviral drugs within the first TWO DAYS of symptoms.

Prepare at home:
The preparation is the same as any shelter-in plan.

• Have a few weeks of food on hand, up to two 6 week waves of pandemic flu was/is expected for the H5N1 virus (bird flu). I don't know what the info is on swine flu yet. But if you can stay out of the stores when/if it gets bad, then you are one step safer. Plus if they start shutting things down, like in Mexico City, then you'll have food on hand for your family.
• Make sure you have cash on hand.
• Make sure you have a full tank of gas.
• Make sure that you have plenty of meds to treat the symptoms of flu -- decongestant, anti-diarrhea, cough medicine, Tylenol or other fever reducer.
• If you can, have surgical grade or better masks on hand and non-latex gloves. If it gets bad and you have to go out, you'll want these to protect yourself. Also, if someone in your house gets it, you may want to protect your family by having the sick person wear them.

For herbalists, cat's claw tinctures would be good. They are anti-viral.

Keep in mind that HEALTHY YOUNGER ADULTS have been the ones sick -- not the elderly, not the children. This has been typical of other pandemic flus. The healthy adults are usually the care takers and the ones out and about the most to catch it. Do not assume that since you are usually as healthy as a horse that you don't or won't catch it. You are the group that is getting hit the worst so far. Also, keep in mind that we have less people infected and/or dead from the swine flu (H1N1) than the bird flu (H5N1).

Lastly, check with your HR if you or your family get sick. Many of the corporate pandemic plans have a clause in them that allow you to not come to work and not be docked or fired for absences in a pandemic flu outbreak.

Rain

I've been sitting here, trying to figure out what that smell was. It wasn't entirely unpleasant but it was very earthy. Richness, thickness, and earthiness. Finally it came to me, it is the rain. It has been so long since we've had a good deep cleansing rain. I'd forgotten what the smell was like.

We've had rain here and there between but deep clean rain.

I'm glad that spring is here.


Even if the tree pollen is super high.

In my neighborhood

Neighborhood on alert after south Minneapolis sexual assault

April 24, 2009 (MINNEAPOLIS) The Minneapolis Police Department Sex Crimes Unit is warning residents in the Corcoran neighborhood to be on alert after a sexual assault occurred there yesterday.

During the incident, which took place at approximately 2:30 p.m., a resident was beaten and sexually assaulted in her detached garage by an unknown male assailant. The victim fought with her attacker and he fled. During the attack the victim sustained relatively minor facial injuries.

The suspect is described as an unknown race male 20 to 40 years old, 5'9 to 6'0 tall with a medium build. The suspect is described as wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt and jeans.

The Sex Crimes Unit is asking that anyone with information about this case call Sgt. Darren Blauert at 612-673-2913. It is not believed that this case is related to any other sexual assault cases.

The PIO contact for this case is Sgt. William Palmer. The CCN for this case is 09-118099.




This is in my neighborhood. In fact, it is practically behind the in-home daycare that my daughter goes to every day. Needless to say, I was a bit wigged yesterday and still am today about it. It probably does not help that I actually like to watch the death dramas -- CSI, NCIS, Forensic Files, Cold Case, you get the picture -- so I have a fairly vivid, TV-influenced imagination. I'm always fairly careful. For instance the screen/storm door has a lock on it and if we are home, the door is locked. The front door and back doors are also locked. The windows are locked. The alarm is set. I know what my neighbors all look like. I know the cars that do and do not belong on my street. We've got 6 houses in a row that all have big dogs. I have two big dogs. And, I'm really good at calling 911. I've been through a few different self-defense classes. I know how to make myself big and loud. If attacked, I know that I have two goals 1) get out alive and 2) cause visible and serious injury to the perpetrator. I want the person to have to go to the hospital too.

And now, this is where some of you will do a double take, I very strongly feel that murderers and rapists and child molesters should all get the death penalty. Even if they don't take the life of the person they attack, they take so much from them -- their trust, their innocence, their sense of self, their sense of security. If they truly completely recover from it, it takes them ages to do it and it takes a lot of hard work.

I hope that they catch this man. I hope that they lock him away for a very, very long (MN does not have the death penalty). The crime lab truck was there. With the science today, I know that it is merely a matter of time. I just hope his time runs out before another person gets hurt.



And Resources, not just opinions:

FBI Crime Safety Page
National Crime Prevention Council
Crime Doctor
Minneapolis PD Community Crime Prevention

Random Thoughts

I think my dad forgot my birthday. I'm a little upset but I understand. My sister flies in to see him tomorrow with her baby, my niece, his granddaughter. He's never met her before. And he's wished me happy birthday 35 other times. But there is part of me that is childish and says, "Today is my day. Tomorrow is her day." I'll get over it. And really, he may not have actually forgotten. The card may be late. He may have called after my cell phone died. He could have assumed that I'd be out and not wanted to bother me.

My birthday has been a good day. It was definitely filled with lots of love and well wishes from friends. It always amazes me how many people I have in my life. Tonight, I got to spend a rare evening alone with my honey. That almost never ever happens. It was nice to just sit with him and share a meal, discussing politics, work, friends, family, and other stories of our days.

One thing that made me particularly happy was that we were able to talk about an old friend's blog. There was no jealousy, no accusations, no suspicion, just acceptance that there are people who are important to me from my past that I love and want to bring back in to my life. My honey just enjoyed the stories and shared his commentary and thoughts.








Earlier today, I had started and then was distracted and then started and then was distracted and started and then was distracted... from a post about blogging, Twitter, Facebook and narcissism. Apparently, we all believe that the world is in need of our opinions and that makes us selfish and narcissistic. I don't think the world needs my opinion. I think that I can be difficult to get to know and this is one way for my friends and loved ones to get a deeper look inside me and build a deeper connection and understanding. It allows me to connect with friends and family over a long distance. I certainly don't think that they necessarily think they want or need my opinions about anything nor do I think that the day to day happenings are of vital importance to the world at large. Blogging and LiveJournal are ways for me to express myself. It is for me. Perhaps that is where it is truly narcissistic for me.

Additionally, all of these tech things have allowed me to get to know people better as well. My community extends beyond a six block radius from my home. It extends out to the suburbs, out to the East and West Coasts and beyond to Europe. My community and my support network is (practically) worldwide because of technology. That connection is not narcissistic. We support each other over great distances.

I simply think that our world is evolving and it will take time for generations to understand how to relate and connect through all the technology without it all being about Me. Perhaps some of the scientists do not understand it all yet.








You may have heard on the news lately that a Minnesota man -- a Somali activist -- went to Washington DC to help get a lawyer for the Somali pirate who took hostage an American shipping captain. The Somali activist and his non-profit organization, that is set up to help Somalis in the US, is now under fire for helping to find a lawyer for the pirate.

Now, personally, I think he's a pirate. Let's take care of him like a pirate. Let's make him walk the plank. I have very little use for thieves, especially hostage-taking thieves.

As an American, believing in the Constitution and Due Process, I am astounded that we are willing to abandon our principles (again!) and persecute the man who was trying to ensure that someone got a fair trial. Fair Trial. A lawyer. People, this is what our country is based on -- a country of laws. The backlash is against the guy helping the pirate get a lawyer -- not the pirate. The guy trying to ensure that our justice system works.

I don't understand what it is going to take for people to realize that if we abandon the rules for someone, no matter how evil he may be, that we are abandoning the rules for ourselves. Once we decide that we no longer need fair trials for people we perceive to be criminals, we ourselves cannot be guaranteed a fair trial either. Once the rules don't apply for one group, it is very easy to have the rules not apply for any group.

We have to be careful and get away from this thinking that we don't have to give people fair trials, that we can just lock them up and throw away the key. One day that key may be the one to open your cell, regardless of your innocence or guilt.




“First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.”
—Martin Niemoeller

Please Pick Up Your History Books

And read them! Pay attention people!

Seceding from the Union has not gone so well in the past. When Texas first became a country of its own, it needed help from the US. Remember the Alamo! Remember it?? It was one of the battles of the failed attempts of Texas to be free from both the US and Mexico.

And then the South tried to secede... We called that the Civil War. It also did not go well for those trying to leave the Union.

Now, those both happened a long time ago. But the lessons are still pertinent when you are considering trying the same thing and expecting a different outcome. The US has the military and the budget for the military. Even the National Guard that the governors can call up is under the auspices of the federal military.



And, for those people who had the Tea Parties yesterday... How could you let yourselves be called Teabaggers? Really? Most people can't even take you seriously because you allowed yourselves to be called teabaggers! And again, you should have done some more reading about the Boston Tea Party first.

Another Year?

This year, my birthday has snuck up on me. This is very unusual. I am typically very adamant that my birthday is a big deal. My husband actually called me yesterday about it. He says, "It is 7 days out. What do you want?" My response was, "What is 7 days out?"

He was a little stunned. Last time he scheduled something on my birthday, it was a bad scene. I was very, very upset and hurt. Why wouldn't my husband (of all people) not want to celebrate my birthday with me? He didn't realize I saw it that way though. Birthdays weren't a big deal in his family or for him.

For me, it is My Day. It is the one day were people actually celebrate Me. It is very important to me. And this year, I forgot about it.

Typically, we go to a very nice restaurant that we normally would never get to eat at. We order an expensive meal with expensive desserts and expensive wine. I don't expect presents but I like to share a really good meal with my loved ones. I want them to invest the money in their meal and the special night. It's the one night a year where we plan on dropping at least $100 on dinner. For two.

A month out, I have figured out where I want to go. I have copied off menus to tempt people to dine with me. I have given out general pricing info and a date and time. A week out, I'm gathering RSVPs to amend the reservation to ensure that I have enough seats for everyone.

Last year, we went to Buca di Beppo and did the Dining Out for Life thing. Since it was a lower cost place, we paid the first $100 and then everyone split the remaining costs.

This year... not a clue... hadn't even thought about it... And now I'm scrambling. Okay, really, this year, my husband is scrambling. I've given him ideas about where to go and what to do. I want to keep it lower cost just because a lot of people can't afford to drop the money on a meal this year. I want/need it to be low stress for everyone.

I just can't believe that I let so much of Life get in the way that I forgot about my special day coming up.

Raw Nerves

It always amazes me when I thought that I've dealt with something, put it to bed, and can hear about or view a situation with a sort of clinical distance only to find that when actually faced with it, I am still hurt from it.

Tonight, I watched a rerun of NCIS and now have Lie To Me on. It went from an Al Qaeda cell trying to kill a Navy Commander to a construction site catastrophy. The two things in quick succession had me on the verge of tears. It immediately made me go back to 9/11.

It's been nearly 8 years and I'd think that things were a little more removed, a little easier to deal with situations that are similar to those scenes that we all saw.

I remember seeing all the people jumping from the buildings. I remember worrying about my parents. My mom works for SOCOM. My dad works for the FAA. Dad was in NJ already then.

I know that everyone in the country has their story.

I was driving to work. I was on the Mendota Bridge when it first came across the radio that a plane had hit one of the Towers. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking what idiot could miss a skyscraper, assuming that it was a small private plane. A few people injured and probably a few dead from the plane itself. By the time I made it to work, the second plane had hit and people knew that they were airliners. I ran into the office and turned on the TV in the conference room. I yelled for one of the other managers to come in and help me adjust the TV to get a clear channel in. Little by little more people filled the conference room.

Like everyone else in the country, I was glued to the news for days. I knew that my parents probably lost friends, maybe even people I knew. I had coworkers in NYC. It took three weeks to hear from all of them. One month later, I flew in to Newark. The cabbies all had stories. They could see the smoke and the dust.




And here I sit... nearly 8 years later... and it is still fresh.

AAAAaaaaarrrggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Ahhh... I feel better now.

It is one of those crazy busy days at work. The copiers are coming in. Mostly going smoothly. They arrived late. The analysts were here. IT was all ready. No copiers. The copiers won't print on the fax transmission sheets the number you dialed. It only prints the station ID for the receiving fax. Really, that is the only problem so far. Everyone seems to be able to hook up, print, fax, etc. Oh... we haven't quite figured out the scanning yet. There are several options. There is the one we want to do and the one that IT wants us to do. We are in negotiations.

On top of that, we have a fundraiser happening and tons of visitors. It is a crazy busy day.

I also decided today was a good day to start a 2 day juice fast. So far, not feeling hungry at all, but I planned my juices fairly well. I stocked up yesterday on a good combo of fruit, veggie and protein juices. I started out with a high protein one and then have been mixing every other 12ozs with a fruit/veggie and then protein again. Minor issue with itchiness from the soy in the protein one. Bolthouse and Naked are getting me through the day!

My stomach is making lots of funny noises. No hypoglycemia issues.

Ahh... The old copier company is here picking those up. Moving right along...

That is your advice?

Yesterday, I was home a little early after running work errands and I got to see most of Suze Orman on Oprah. She has a 5 Step Plan to help you survive the recession. I'm having trouble remembering all the steps because the first one nearly killed me. Yes, it is 100% right but man...

Step 1: Live on Half

Yep, live on half of your income. If a two income household, live on one income and bank the rest. If a single income household, live on half and bank the rest. This prepares you in two ways. 1) It builds up your emergency fund. 2) It prepares you to live on unemployment. I don't know if we could actually do it...

Yes, I'm about to divulge very privileged info here... these are all approximate numbers
Mortgage $1500
Car Payment $300
Loan Payment $300
Insurance $60
Electric $75
Gas (house) $100
Phone $40
Cell $50
Cable w/ internet $130
Gas (car) $160
Pet Insurance $70
Storage $90
Sewer/Trash $85
CSA $56

Totals $3016... and we'd only have veggies and cheese to eat during the summer and fall months only...

If we cut the storage out ($90), eliminated one of the phones ($40), and cut back internet/cable... We'd have some money available to eat each month. Also, electric and gas (house) are general averages for the year. Electric is more like $50 in the 6 months of winter and $100 in the 2 months of summer. Gas is nearly nothing in the summer and about $250 in the winter.

Wow... we could actually nearly manage it... I'm shocked.

Bah... That hurts. That means we waste away nearly everything I earn... Wait, I forgot childcare... But if one of us wasn't working, that expense would go away.




Step 2: Stash Your Cash

If you do not have 8 months worth of salary banked away in your emergency fund, pay only minimum payments and stash the rest of the cash. Any extra $$ you would have sent to pay down your debt, put in the bank.

So... the others did not shock me as much... And Suze can explain it herself better, but I thought it would be interesting to step through Live on Half with you.

Here is a link to the rest:
http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-suze-orman/1

Burn Out

It has been harder and harder to get out of bed each morning. Today was really bad. My honey just called me on the phone to ask how I am doing. "Pleh," was my answer.

My desk is scattered with paper. I usually keep lots of paper on my desk, in three different piles. There is one pile currently and then everything else is just strewn about my desk. I am checking voicemails the next day. I'll handle the things as they come up but really my basic attitude right now is "I don't wanna!"

I've hit burn out. We've accomplished so much this past year. I haven't had a vacation in over a year. I've had time off -- for the flu, a day or two here and there -- but no vacation. I am completely unmotivated.

Mom is coming in mid-May so I'll have some time off then. End of May is the family fishing trip. June is the road trip to NJ to see Dad. Mid-May seems so far away. I know that I can't get away with 6 weeks of Pleh and no motivation.

I need some tips, some hints on how to push through burn out and make it to vacation time. Help me out here!

Life of the Absurd

Yesterday, I went to the bathroom... Yes, I know, too many of my stories start that way. As I was washing my hands, I noticed red ink-like splotches on the counter top. I wiped them down with soap and warm water and got up as much as I could. I then asked my maintenance tech to see if he could get them cleaned up. Our day porter was still here so he went in to scrub down the counter. He comes back and tells me that he rubbed it with water but it didn't work. He can't get the stains out. I told him to use one of the cleansers. I already tried soap and water. He asked which ones.

Well, because of different OSHA regs, I can't give him a cleanser to use. He has to be trained on the chemicals, have MSDS sheets on file, and his training recorded. He has to use a cleanser from his company. He didn't know how to use them he tells me. I told him to call his boss and find out which one to use then. I don't want permanent now-pink ink splotches on my bathroom counter tops. He does. Today, the splotches are gone. I don't think anything more of it.

Today his boss comes in. The day porter is going to be removed from our account and we'll have a new person in about two weeks.

Relationships and the Military Family

I've recently reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school. We've been catching up on the last 17/18 yrs. It sort of ended up being about boyfriends and marriages and divorces and remarriages for us and related friends and family. His comment was that those of us that were military families did not fare so well. We are bad at relationships.

Yeah, he's right. Being a military brat, I definitely got used to breaking ties. Do that enough and you build up some pretty sturdy walls. It's hard to let people in. I think that we even begin to pick people that we only kind of like. That way we have no reason to really open up and make deep connections and have our hearts broken. I know that I have certainly run away from people when we were getting too close. I have created problems when there were no problems. I've often chosen "Mr. Right Now" rather than someone who could have been Mr. Right.

The other thing defense mechanism that I've seen in myself and other military people is that we start creating distance when we know that moving time is near. Little things become big arguments. Wild and crazy suspicions become fact in our heads. But it is so much easier to leave someone that you are angry at or don't like anymore.

Now that I am an adult and have 'settled down', I'm learning how to make those connections. Regularly, I realize that I have missed being taught things in life because we weren't stable. One of our friends recently was in the hospital and having surgery. I knew that I needed to stay away because I was sick. Other than that, our family offered support. "Let us know if we can do something to help." It did not occur to me that I should offer specifics -- like going over to clean the house, send over hot dish (casserole for those of you not in MN), etc. Other people knew that. I did not know that. There were other basic support things too that did not occur to me but others had learned through basic socialization. Sometimes, just being in the same room with a person and holding their hand is all that they need. News to me. I know, crazy isn't it?

I've been working on taking those walls down, even in basic ways like letting people hug me and sometimes I even hug back. I attempt to get in touch with my feelings. Yes... my feelings. The thing that I think I need the most work on is learning to be open to others being open. I think that when others start really opening up to me, I kind of put on this therapist mask. I try to listen intently, help them come to important realizations or conclusions, and solve the problem for them or with them. I think it is a clinical sort of distance that I create there. I think that I make it a safe place to open up and discuss things without harsh judgement or criticism, but I don't make that heart to heart connection. I want to make that connection. I purposefully work to be open and supportive. I think that I avoid that last step. It's a defense mechanism.

Hmm... Not sure how to fix that. It might be more and more practice. Food for thought.

Crazy Ranting Mommy

Yesterday afternoon, I was in Itty Bitty's room helping her clean, when I'm pretty sure that I lost my mind. She had been so sweet when she came downstairs and said to me, "Mommy, will you come help me clean my room?" I said sure and went on upstairs. We forced the door open wider, pulled out the storage bins and got to work. I knew that my answer should have been No at that point.

Once I got the initial layer of toys up, I found that all the pretend food items and dishes were dumped on the floor and shoved in the corner. Now, she absolutely could have tossed them all on the floor on her own. But she wouldn't have hidden them. However, the boy would have hidden them.

I holler for the boy to come up. He had been in her room playing with her a few days earlier. She'd been screaming at him because he had dumped out all of her play kitchen stuff and was holding all her little dolls and stuffed animals hostage in the giant tea pot, where they dishes had been stored. He then put it on his head and put on a feather boa and came to show me how silly he looked. When they'd been told to clean up the mess they'd made, he obviously had shoved it all in the corner and covered it up with other stuff.

I started in on the boy. "I'd rather you clean it up right and not get everything clean! You know better than to do that! Why would you dump out all of her bins? What were you thinking?" You get the picture. Itty Bitty, seeing the boy get yelled at, starts in "He did it all by himself Mommy. He did it."

I turned and looked at her. "Oh no he did not! I know you helped him make this mess. Don't even try to blame all of this on your brother!"

So, I tell him to go outside and pick up poop. This is not actually punishment. It is his regular chore. I just wasn't going to have him playing PS2 while I cleaned up the mess he made with his sister.

Itty Bitty starts up again, "Mommy, Holly (the dog) made all the poop by herself outside. I didn't do any of it. She made all the poop. Not me."

I just about peed myself laughing.



Thank goodness her self-preservation instinct is in tact. And that she is such good comic relief. Also, she loved Cookies & Candlelight. She wants to do that regularly now.

Natue of the Beast

My job exposes me to the best and the brightest in Health, Safety, Security, and Environment. It also exposes me to the stupidest and the hypochondriaism (yes, that is probably a word I made up) in the work place.

For instance, the day we discovered asbestos tile. It was 2% asbestos containing material and 98% vinyl. The asbestos was fully contained in the vinyl. You'd have to pulvarize and snort the dust to be able to inhale the asbestos. It takes decades to feel the affects of any complications due to asbestos exposure. You are exposed to more asbestos walking down the city streets than you were when we found the tile. One woman had to go home because the asbestos made her lungs hurt that day. Um... yeah... no, it didn't. Dust and dirt from 30yr old carpet coming up? Probably. Asbestos? No.

Today, I got to follow up on an email where someone complained that the person near them used air duster to clean their keyboard and it made her lungs hurt. Really? The short answer is no, the air duster did not make your lungs hurt. The dust your neighbor blew around may have done that. But the air duster? Not unless you were huffing. In which case, you are fired for the illegal use of inhalants. It's against the rules.

But I am a good safety person and pulled the MSDS and the product info sheet. I defined "overexposure" and "workplace exposure" for them. No, you don't need a respirator mask to air dust your keyboard. No, you don't have any sort of overexposure risk from your neighbors cleaning their keyboards.

Oye.

And while I'm at it... Flush the damn toilets!

You Are Dumb

If you haven't read You Are Dumb yet today, you should click on over there especially those of you in MN. It is all about our very own Michele Bachmann. Yep, our very own wingnut. I'm so glad she got re-elected. Hopefully she stays on just for comedic value and people continue to realize that she is an idiot.

Cookies by Candlelight

My daughter and I participated in Earth Hour tonight. Being 3yrs old, light is pretty important to her. She got really upset at first when I dimmed the lights that she was playing by but the treat of running around with two flashlights and a lantern made her happy again. I lit candles all over the house and coaxed her away from the computer games on Nick Jr. We made chocolate milk by the refrigerator light and got some iced tea for me. We snuggled up on the couch together and ate chocolate Madeline's and black & white cookies from Starbucks. The light from the lantern looked like the moon on the ceiling. We talked about all the fun things we got to do today -- Circus School, the trip to Claire's for sparkly and shiny things, coloring, riding the big wheel, playing computer games, reading books, playing dress up. She is such a girl.

Now, we didn't get Earth Hour quite right because when we were done chatting, we watched King of the Hill on TV. She says to me, "Mommy, he needs better skills" regarding Dale Gribble on the show. Sometimes, she is too smart.

Anyhow, she's laying down in bed, my bed. She's still talking... a lot. I really wish she'd be quiet and go to sleep. I'm exhausted.

I never managed my nap today. She got a nap. Her daddy got a nap. When I finally laid down, my sister called 10m after I fell asleep. Then I got up and cleaned house some. Then I tried to lay down again. And 10m later, Bitty needed Mucinex. Rather than ask her dad where it was, she came up and banged on my door. Then the neighbor's dog started barking. Then lots of sirens went by. Then she came upstairs and stood in her room, which shares a wall with ours, and screamed for her daddy. He was in the basement. She was on the 2nd floor with me. Grrr... I got to lay down, but no actual napping. Now, she's just talking and talking.

Tomorrow, we need to make a trip to the library again. We have lots of books to return and we should check out some new ones.

I'm getting a sore throat. I'm all hoarse. I would really like the weather to level out so I can't not get sick again.

Hmmm... I must be tired too as I am just rambling... I'm doing the same thing that she is doing, only in my blog instead of out loud.

G'nite All!

The Old Turtle and the Broken Truth is a must read

It doesn't actually make me nostalgic, however, I think it is the best children's book ever. And I think every adult should read, regardless of whether they have kids or not.

A truth falls from the heavens and breaks in half as it comes to Earth. It is a beautiful story with a fantastic message for everyone. Absolutely my favorite.

In fact, I think I need to go dig it out to read to my daughter today.

Morning Laughter

I'm starting to feel kind of glum so I needed to remind myself of this morning's laughter.

By 8:30am my sister had called me twice about baby poop. We have lots of conversations about baby poop lately. I was on the phone talking about baby poop when I headed down to the cafe. Yes, the one that I said I needed to stay out of just yesterday. I got my favorite 1 donut and then headed to the omelet/yogurt/fruit bar to get a hard boiled egg for protein. My two favorite troublemakers were there. They started going on and on and on about how they couldn't believe I was getting a hard boiled egg. They are so gross. They can't stand to eat them. Ick, ick, ick, on and on. Meanwhile, my sister is going on about what foods to try to loosen up the constipated baby. Hard boiled eggs are nothing when you regularly talk about poop.

Now, being on the phone, I can't exactly respond to the guys. So I'm thinking what can I do to get them to shut up, one up them on the gross scale. I lick the egg -- thinking that licking the thing they think is gross will that it gross them out.

It did NOT elicit the response I was looking for. Okay, they both shut up for a moment. And turned red. Apparently, licking an egg does not in fact gross them out. It turns them on.

"Hey! Do that again!"
"I like the way you do that."
"How you doin'?"

And when I walked away, laughing and dying of embarrassment, "Hey! Come back here!"

Um... yeah... not what I was going for but definitely for a few good laughs. The three of us all have sore abs from laughing so hard!

From this valley, they say you are going

This morning, I had to double check the radio station. I've been trying to reduce my stress levels and have been listening to music in the morning. More music, less news radio makes for a more joyful Me. I was pretty sure I had it on the pop music station but they were covering lots of news stories.

If you haven't heard, we are preparing for record flooding here in MN. Where I am at in the Twin Cities, we are fine. But further northwest, in the Red River Valley, they are expecting the river to crest at 43ft, the highest level in over a century. The expected level seems to go up by about 2ft every day.

People have come in from all over the Northern Plains and even farther. Bus loads of high school and college students have gone up day after day to fill sand bags and build up the dikes. In about a month from now, bus loads of people will again trek up to Fargo/Moorhead to do clean up.

The cresting of the river is just one part of the tragedy that is about to befall these people. Once the river finally crests, they expect that it will stay at that level for 3 to 4 weeks before beginning to recede. Then the real work will begin.

There is a 215ft crack in an earthen dike. More than 150 homes have been ordered to evacuate. There are ambulances running back and forth evacuating hospitals, hospice care and elder care centers. Schools have been closed. Anyone who can't evacuate quickly is being urged to leave now -- families with small children, the elderly, etc.

It's supposed to crest sometime tomorrow.

As you go to bed tonight, secure in your home and warm in your bed, take a moment and think of these people and say a prayer for them. Tomorrow, their homes may be gone.

For more info, see NPR article.

If these demands are not met... well, I'll keep on living...

$500,000
Corny? Obvious answer? Yeah, I know. Most people demand more. Or play the Lotto hoping for more. Too much money though is just as bad as too little money. People don't understand the effect of too much money, but if you follow what happens to pro athletes or Lotto winners you'll soon learn too much money is just as bad. Maybe even worse.

On the news the other, they had a contributor who writes for Sports Illustrated. He was talking about how so many of our pro athletes are bankrupt within 5 years of retirement. The number was astonishing. If I recall correctly, it was 60%. The athletes put the money in things that they physically see value in -- like homes, cars, jewelry, clothes, shoes, clubs -- but they fail to invest it or they trust others to invest it for them and they get ripped off. In the end, none of those physical things held their value. I suppose if they bought enough jewelry and the right kind of jewelry, then it would hold its value. Homes, unfortunately, did not hold their value.

The other thing the SI guy mentioned was they were careless in other ways too. They were careless with people. They have these broods of children from different women who suck the money right out of them. Yes, it is their fault for having unprotected sex and exposing themselves to this sort of fiscal risk. But they used the people, had children and moved on. People are not throwaways.

But a similar thing often happens with Lotto winners. They don't really know what to do with all that money. They trust people who can't be trusted. People come out of the woodwork looking for a handout. Often times, these Lotto winners are so grateful that they really do want to do good and spread the wealth. They spend some time living an extravagant life they never would have had. They give money away to people who need it. And then they are back to broke again themselves.

So I demand $500,000. It is more than enough. It would pay off the mortgage and the one car we have. It would buy us a second car in full and not create anymore debt. It would pay off the loan and the HELOC. It would also provide a good down payment or maybe even outright buy us a new larger home where we can comfortably fit two kids, two dogs, and visiting family and friends. It would also put a little $$ in the bank for our emergency fund.

Then our regular earned income maintains everything. It affords the property taxes, the food, the trips to Starbucks, the circus school classes and swim lessons and guitar lessons... and any number of other things that kids want/need to grow up as well-rounded, well-educated, self-sustaining adults.

It's enough to make some financial worries go away, but not so much that we create new ones.

Warm weather and a cure for seasonal allergies
These two must go hand in hand. Warm weather! I need warmer weather! For the first time since I've been to MN, I am sick and tired of winter. Sick, sick, sick of it! The temp this morning was 18F. The wind chill was 8F. Monday evening in to Tuesday morning, we are supposed to have measurable, plowable snow. Really? I'm done. Winter this year started early. I was completely off of allergy meds in October. That means, the living plants were dormant in October. October, November, December, January, February, and now all of March... have been Winter months.

Now, warm weather brings those allergies on again. I'd love to be able to go to the Como Conservatory and see all the lovely blooming flowers without needing 50mg of Benadryl within an hour which causes a 3 hour drug induced coma for me. I'd like to be able to go for a daily walk or two without having to make sure that I've taken ClaritinD 12 hour and Flonase. I need a one time shot (or even an annual shot) that cures me of the allergies so I don't go through Spring and Summer in a haze.

Experiments in Going Green

At work, I've been diligently working on the three Rs of reducing, reusing, and recycling. I've managed to eliminate all the Styrofoam cups, plates, and small bowls from the cafeteria. I've also gotten rid of the plastic utensils in favor of corn or sugar cane. I can't remember exactly, but I chose sugar cane over corn whenever possible. All I have left that is bad in the cafe is a big Styrofoam bowl. I cannot find a replacement for it yet. Everything else is recycleable or compostable.

Today, my tech tells me as we are digging through utenils that the cafe manager said, "Do not microwave the forks." No reason why. Now, we've been suspiscious of these utenisils. I mean, its organic material. How is it not melting in the hot coffee or hot soup? It is heat tempered somehow. But we've been given this challenge.

So we microwaved a spoon -- made of the same material as the forks we were told to not microwave. I'm the safety person. I have to test these things, right? Right!

It melted exactly where he'd touched it. Clearly further experimentation is called for though. I may need to know if the oils from his skin reacted with the spoon causing it to melt or if the spoon will melt without those oils.

Anyhow, time to eat my yogurt. Experiments will have to wait for another day.

WW Day

Meeting did not go well today. Okay, weigh in did not go well today. The WW receptionist tried to play it down with the fact that I did not think about meeting this morning when I got dressed and put on a nice warm sweater considering it was 28F. I don't know that the sweater weighs two pounds. To put my manager spin on it, what went right? What went wrong? What are the lessons learned this week? What's the plan for next week?

WWR:
1. I journaled 5 out of 7 days.
2. I did push ups on Tuesday until my arms where shaky instead of eating another thing when stressed.
3. I remembered to bring my water bottle twice.

WWW:
1. I felt guilty and drank the Gold Peak Green Tea because the cafe ordered it in because I like it. That is 3 extra points per bottle.
2. I ate lots of carbs on my stressed out day. Lots.
3. Although I brought my healthy meals with me to work, on at least three days, I went to the cafe and ate instead.

LL:
When I walked away and did something else for a while during the stress, I had the answer almost immediately when I came back. I need to get away from the problem and take a moment to see the bigger picture. Literally WALKING helped to clear my head, let go of the stress and find the answer. The extra yummy bread from the cafe did not give me that result. The walking did.

I didn't ask them to order in the Green Tea for me. It put me over my points every day. And yet, here I am drinking one today too! Guilt is an unacceptable reason to eat and to be fat. I have plenty of zero calorie teas that I love that I can drink all day long.

When I brought the water bottle to work, I used it. Need to get back in to that habit of keeping the water bottle with me at all times.

I need to journal as I go along or pre-journal the day and eat from that menu plan.

Lastly, after looking at our bank statements for the last three months, I have to stop eating out so much and stop those little runs through Starbucks. They are killing me both fiscally and physically.

Goals for this week:
Journal Daily
Keep the water bottle in my bag
Starbucks is ONLY for Saturday mornings
Walk away from the stress

10lb reward -- Manicure at the salon